Happily Ever After

There is no such thing as a perfect person. Such a creature does not exist, save for in fairy tales. Even then, perfection is always an illusion cast on the unwary. Why is it so easy to be bamboozled into believing that there is indeed someone who will never let us down or hurt us, who knows every right answer to every problem? Because it is what we want to believe. We yearn for perfection in others, maybe because we seem so far from it  to ourselves.

“I don’t want someone who makes the same mistakes I did.” Mistakes and bad choices will always be, so long as we remain human. We are fallible, flawed and susceptible to deception, greed, envy, and corruption of every kind. These vile “qualities” are engraved on the minds of every newborn babe. This engraving is why we must guard our hearts so carefully. I put “qualities” in quotes because lust, greed, malice, and deceit are not “qualities” at all. Traits maybe, not qualities. No, a person who can see mistakes for what they are,  admit when they have done wrong, seek forgiveness and work hard to right their wrong instead of accepting it into their character, those are qualities obvious in a person of quality. Those are the people to keep close. The ones who do not see perfection or seek it, but who see their own flaws. Be strong in who you are, even be proud! But don’t be a fool, experiences are to learn from and grow. Pride in yourself is itself a blinder, so guard your heart from the world of dark. Its so very easy to get lost.

Looking for your “Happy ever after” will lead to disappointment and heartache IF your happy ever after is some prince charming [or princess charmaine 😉 ] you have placed high above everyone else on a mystical pedestal no one can touch.  When we expect perfection in others, they fall harder than when we know they are just like us. Any mistake made by our Perfect destroys the image of them we had, breaking our heart. Understanding the Human in all of us is a gift. I do not want a pedestal to stand on. I want those important to me or to whom I am important to know I am broken and at times scared, confused, strong, weak, imperfect, fun, boring, and that I, just as they, have and will be mistaken sometimes. I want my brothers and sisters around me to see me for the creature of change I am. To know when I mess up, that I will admit it and move forward from there and not take pride in my fallacies.  Do I have regrets? Some. Living without regret is a myth. Living with our choices, be they successes or mistakes is a whole other ball game. Some harder than others, but all forgivable when we genuinely ask forgiveness. I’m not even talking spiritually here (though God’s grace in forgiveness trumps all others) but here in my flesh is the capacity to really forgive. As long as I keep myself accountable for my actions and understand every one of my actions, good or bad, mistake or act of good, is a decision anyone else could have made.
Circumstances and temptations are just excuses we use to make the wrong choice.

I love the cheesy. Like, “Happiness is the journey, not the destination.”  Its so very true though! Attitude is what every situation reflects. I want love to be my reflection. Real love that forgives when asked for forgiveness and love that doesn’t hold grudges for other’s mistakes that I easily could make with the right push in the wrong direction.  Love that shows through me loving enough to tell you when I have been a fool, coming clean, and wanting to be a better man tomorrow than I am tonight even as I type through use of the knowledge of the past to create my happily ever after.

Thanks for reading!

Grace and Peace,

Andrew

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Thoughts Chapter 4: Can’t Sleep Version

Unfortunately we never get it quite right. People in general. That’s why relationships aren’t easy. Just worth it when you’re with the right person. “But I’m not feelin it right now…” Yeah that happens in every relationship. Its a choice to continue or move on that makes or breaks the greats. Is he worth it? Is she? What are you looking for? The person you fall in love with won’t be completely the same in 5 years. Just because you aren’t feelin him/her right now doesn’t mean you won’t be later. And just because you like someone in the beginning doesn’t mean you’ll like them later either. That’s why we must look for qualities like integrity and respect and honesty and trust instead of faces or quirks. Even good qualities evolve and change as time progresses. Its not going to be sunshine and roses all the time. If you’re looking for that,  you’ll have a very long string of very short relationships.

Now, let’s see if I can get some sleep.

Grace and Peace,

Andrew

The Little Things

It really is the little things that mean the most in life. A dance in the rain or an afternoon spent with people you care about, doing what you love. This song encapsulates what someone likes most in a person may be what that person wants to change about themselves. Don’t look at yourself as imperfect. Your perfect to me.

Grace and Peace

Get to Knowing!

Ohai there. Nice of you to click the link!

I have thought of writing a bit on this topic before but have not gotten around to it til now for whatever reason. I was in a class this evening and we were discussing how people make choices.

I believe we see our actions through sifferent lenses at different points in time during our various situations among our myriad of surroundings. Its hard to remain objective about such subjective questions. What questions?

“Who am i?”

and my favorite ponderance to direct and maintain my mind’s focus on the goal …

“Who do I want to be?”

I have been pondering on ways to keep myself accountable to, well, me for a while now. One way I have noticed keeps me straigjt and they may help yoi learn about yourself and what you want or do not want is to sit down and write out boundary lines you do not want to cross. Especially with relationships. This works with diets, study or work habits, or millions of other goals we set or habits we want to create or break as well.

So who are you? What are you willing to do for those you care about, or even strangers. What is too much? Set your boundaries and be assertive if someone gets too close to the line you have drawn. Make sure your spouse, bf or gf, friends you party with, family you eat too much with, or anyone else who you come in contact with KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. Then if the line is neared, it will be that much easier for you to stay solid on your beliefs or values or what have you. You may be thinking, “C’mon fella, it is not that simple!” Why not? Setting and keeping boundaries really is that easy. It is all a matter of perspective. How strong we perceive ourselves to be is probably one of the biggest issues that causes us to give in. Letting other people’s perception of what is better for you or them in that moment can make you unsure, and in the confusion, it is easier to fail. Make your boundary line the foundation for a wall no army can penetrate. The people who see you hold the wall will have so much more respect for you, they will learn pushing against that wall is pointless and perhaps you will even inspire a few to do the same! Some may not appreciate your self control and will continue pushing your boundaries and tempting you to break. Do not let them redraw your line. I believe in you.  Be assertive, think, pray, meditate or skip rocks or whatever you do, but do it with intention and focus. Figure out your boundaries and you will be one step closer to the man or woman you want to be. Who are you?

Share this if you think I’m not crazy…and for everyone else who isn’t my mom, please like and share anyway because it makes me feel good 🙂 Thanks!

Grace and Peace,

Andrew

Having a Revelation Up in Here

While working yesterday as most people were off having barbecues and pool parties for Labor Day, I had a revelation of Spirit which i would not have learned had I been anywhere else. Cool how God uses where we are to teach.
All my life I’ve tried to be a good guy for ladies I’ve dated and people I have interacted with in general. Respectful, in control of my temper, in control of my body, trying not to focus on sexuality or have relationships based on that and I look around now and feel like I have no one about me that cares. Of course I have good friends and family I can talk to and laugh with and share many great memories and adventures with, which is in itself an incredible blessing, but it is not the same. Any of you who have true love know this to be true and my truest love pushed away and obliterated me from her life. I have been thinking, if this is what happens from fighting my sinful nature, (and often have i lost that battle, but each time I learn more about winning and have begun to avoid some traps altogether), why on earth should I continue battling to be a decent guy? Why not just give in and go looking for a different girl at every club and bar? Why would I continue fighting urges and not allow myself to be a womanizer or drunkard or stoner or layabout and just focus on getting mine? I asked myself, why? God asked me why I do what I do also. I am at this junction so I can answer Him. Will I strive to be a better quality of man for an incredible woman, or will I do it for Him when there is no woman to love, protect and uplift? I am stronger because of this and because God put me here to learn of my true motivation and to show me what that is and why it is worth it. I have been brought here because God wanted me to know my real reasons. Thank you my friends for showing me who I do not want to become, for being with me through my heartbreak and for talking openly with me and helping me to realize why exactly I want to be more than the world’s standard of guy, more than my own standard of what a man should be. Love of a woman isn’t enough to keep any man on the straight and narrow. No one person should be responsible for all that. People act rashly and run away when afraid or hurt, and sometimes for no reason at all. We all have let people down. I cannot think of anyone I have ever not disappointed in some small way or other. Can you? Because we are not perfect. That is why life and love are about forgiveness. It does not matter  how many times or how badly someone has “let me down.” People will let me down, I will let others down and if they are my only motivator, even a strong love with a beautiful girl like her can become fruitless and the sand will shift and fall away. I want to be more because God loves me more. I let her down and perhaps she thought she let me down too, i do not know but given the chance, I would prove my love for God through Christ to her and be the best for Him. Without that chance for her, I will put my goals in God’s hands anyway and not be consumed by lust or pain or sorrow or lethargy.

That old cliche “If you truly love something set it free” is true. When you really love someone you care about their happiness and joy. When two people in a relationship love each other they put their partner’s desires first and in doing so, they each get what they wanted after all, their love to be fruitful, passionate, happy and working to achieve goals. So, let your love be free. Whatever their definition of freedom. Let them have fun and live and make new friends. Do not let jealousy or fear of losing them get the best of you. Love them for their Style, their faith, their courage, their personality. Love all of these things when they change, because we all change. You arent the same person you were 3 years ago and in another 5 you wont be the same you are today. If they want to dress differently than youre used to, don’t freak out, grow and appreciate their style. Its just clothes. Its the inside that counts 😉

Let them grow in their own life as they choose. You can grow together while separate and separately while together. If you are protecting their heart, trust they will protect yours. Thats love. Two ropes intertwined to create a stronger rope woven of respect, trust, forgiveness, loyalty, freedom, and so much more beauty than words can express. When one strand is frayed or worn, the other supports and strengthens it until it can be mended. As long as God is holding that rope, it can bear any weight.
God is the mender, the great healer and your rope will not snap so long as you look to Him to keep it strong.

I love you

Grace and Peace,

Andrew