Be the one you seek

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I want a Proverbs 31 Woman. For anyone who doesn’t know what that means, she is amazing.

           Proverbs 31 describes a woman like this, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength sand dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

             Men, let me tell you, if you find yourself a lady like this, cherish her. Ladies, strive to be this woman full of hope, compassion, gentleness, passion, strength, integrity, patience, peace, and all the other virtues. Above all seek God in your decisions. Especially in choosing a husband, or even someone you may be interested in dating. 

             Last night, I heard some wisdom on the subject of relationships. “Be the person you are seeking.” That resonated deep within me. I cannot expect to find someone amazing if I myself am not striving to be someone worth being with! You may have noticed I highlighted a couple of words in green up there about husbands. I love the color green 🙂 Anyway, it says, “her husband is respected at the city gate.” Men, if you want to be respected, act respectable. Do not go pick fights and get drunk and high and throw yourself at every floozy who walks by. HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE. Surround yourself with friends who will help hold you accountable. Stay away from porn, it rots your soul and hurts her. It is cheating when you commit acts with those 2D women on your screen, do not be fooled into thinking it isn’t. Women are beautiful, delicate (in a good way, not weak, so do not think of them as weak) passionate creatures and as REAL MEN it is our duty to respect them and cherish them. Take care of yourself fellas, fix your hair, shave your face, work out, eat good food, make yourself appealing to her if you want her to be appealing for you, and trim up whatever other “unruly” hair you may have if you expect your lady to do the same. “Her husband…praises her” PRAISES HER! Do we even know how to do that anymore??? It is very simple lads, SHOW HER HOW AMAZING SHE IS. She is worth more than rubies, Rubies man! Rubies are expensive…That woman you may be unappreciative of is the most important gift you have ever been given. Treat her as such. Put down your video games and look in her eyes when she speaks, respond after careful consideration of your words. Tell her what she means to you every chance you get. REMEMBER, words are meaningless if you are not backing them up with action. Don’t you ever tell her you love her to get in her pants. Don’t ever say I love you and flirt with other ladies who also deserve better than that. Don’t say she is important and ignore her, her needs or wants or desires, and do not ever, EVER raise your hands to her in violence. If you are fortunate enough to keep her around long enough to get married, REMEMBER Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a treasure, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Never stop doing the little things.

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           Be the person you are searching for. Ladies, take care of yourselves. Do not seek the beds or arms of men who are not your one and only, and to save yourself, do not seek the arms of men whom you are not their one and only. Take care of your body, work out, eat good food, make yourself appealing to him. NOT slutty. Dress modestly. You can look sexy and still be a lady. HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE. Surround yourself with friends you can trust to hold you accountable as well. The porn thing goes for you also, ladies. 

          I am not going to get into sex in this writing, maybe next time. -Though briefly, I believe we should wait because SEX is a beautiful gift from God for our marriages where we may know and enjoy each other completely in physicality without reservation, shame or fear of rejection. That is the sex I want to have with my wife someday.- Friends with benefits do not want to cherish you. If they did, they would not say they are your friend and act like they are not. Those men and women are looking only for physical and emotional comfort without wanting to be invested with you and will always make you feel ashamed and hurt eventually. Protect your heart. Look for a man who will protect your heart. Look for a man who will protect your body. Look for a woman who will protect your heart and body. If he is unwilling to wait for you, then chances are, he will be unwilling to wait to get home to you when he is tempted by another. Same for her. I do not want to be that kind of man. I want a woman who seeks only my arms for comfort and to feel wanted and loved (aside from seeking the Lord first) BE THE ONE YOU SEARCH FOR. If you have cheated in the past, or your lady has, do not listen when people say “Once a cheater, always a cheater“. That statement is one of the dumbest I have ever heard. People can absolutely change. BUT, it is a choice. We always have a choice between doing what is right, or doing what may please us in that moment. Going deeper, God can change the heart of anyone, no matter how lost or “bad” they may seem, but He allows us to choose. He will never override our free will. CHANGE IS A CHOICE.Whether you have faith in the Lord or not, that is an undeniable truth. Without choosing to change and commitment to that choice, there can be no permanent change. Just so you know, if they refuse to change from cheating, you can refuse to stay.

I have made many mistakes, all of which I know how to avoid now because I have regretted them, remembered them, understood my motivations for the mistakes and I take different paths to stay away from the pits I have fallen into before.

           More wisdom I heard last night: MAKE A LIST OF WHAT YOU WANT. You may have heard the saying, “Those who stand for nothing, will fall for anything.” This is absolute truth in every aspect of life. Especially relationships and integrity. Concerning integrity, do not be afraid to stand up to those who want to bring you down to their level. Joshua 1:9, “Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Do not be afraid because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go.” Look inside yourself, see the person you want to be, and make choices that person would make. Pretty soon you will notice you have been that Man or Woman all along. We are always stronger than we think we are. Concerning relationships, if we do not know what we are looking for, we will fall for anything remotely attractive in front of us. I am not talking about some 5-10 bullet point list. Get specific. Think deep. Write 5-6 pages of who you seek. Character traits, do they get angry easy, do they wink at every PYT that passes, or will they stare into your eyes when the waitress bends over next to them? What do they look like? And be realistic with their looks. One example, to me, it would not matter if she was a foot taller or shorter than me, as long as she is content with her height and mine. How will they treat you? How will they react when you make a mistake, or how will they react when they make a mistake (all of us will). Will they be honest about it, or try to hide from you. Will they forgive you your own shortcomings as well? I mean REALLY forgive you and not hold grudges to bring up later. If you cannot forgive, you will not be forgiven. If you do not know what you are REALLY looking for, it may walk right past you and you would have no idea. You may be too busy chasing Disney movie princes and princesses to find the REAL man or woman you search for.

           Finally, if you are holding onto something you should not be, you will not be able to move on. Whether it be past hurts, bad relationships, good relationships, or maybe your own mistakes crushing you under their weight, let it go. Find out what you are looking for. If you are blessed enough to already have that person in your life somewhere, maybe it is time to tell them. But you have to let go of your past. Do not regret it, do not repeat it. REMEMBER IT, LEARN FROM IT, move on to your future. Above all else, no matter who you want, whether they are someone from your past, or someone you haven’t met yet, BE THE ONE YOU SEEK!

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